Hello again! This week let’s switch gears and talk about something that’s in the realm of fitness, but in a totally different section. Let’s talk about self defense. In this blog I’ll share with you my martial arts and self defense journey, along with a few fights I’ve found myself caught in, and what I’ve learned along the way. In this, I’ll share with you something very valuable to me, my passion (is that cheesy? Maybe, whatever, let it be cheesy!).
If you don’t follow me on Instagram (taylormillerfitness) or know me personally, then let me give you a quick breakdown of my self defense and martial arts background! As a kid I did multiple styles of martial arts, and was always active and played some kind of sport. I was always VERY shy and anxious and eager to please anyone and everyone I met. That got me into a lot of trouble later on in life, which I am now working to repair and learn from (through therapy).
When I became a teenager I stopped everything for a few years (because ya know, being a teenager is hard!). Finally when I was ready to get back into something, I discovered Kung Fu.
I trained in Choy Li Fut Kung Fu as a student for a little over a year (along with grappling, kickboxing, and sparring), fell in love with it, got asked to do instructor training, and after 7 months of grueling workouts, I passed and became an instructor. Shortly after I started training in Yang Style Tai Chi as well, and have been teaching both and continuing to train in both ever since. At this point I have been teaching for about 10 years, am a 3rd degree senior black belt in both Tai Chi and Kung Fu, and have a healthy amount of tournament combative wins under my belt as well.
Walking into White Dragon Oceanside when I was 16 years old and agreeing to the terrifying training it took to become an instructor was the best decision I have ever made. Before starting training I was walked on constantly (even literally in some cases), had no confidence, suffered with crippling anxiety and people pleasing, had an unyielding feeling of constant hopelessness and helplessness due to both mental and health-related issues, and was completely and utterly unhappy with my life. When I started Kung Fu I had NO idea I would come out the way I have. Now I feel strong, unbelievably confident in both my physical skill and appearance, have no doubt in my mind I could protect myself and those around me, and have discovered my true passion for being a teacher (which took TONS of work to learn how to do well; I literally spent hours for MONTHS practice-teaching myself in the mirror to get it right) in both self defense and personal training.
1 in 4 women get attacked in their lifetime. 1 in 7 men get attacked as well. And not just attacked, but BRUTALLY attacked. That is a horrifying statistic, and I personally never thought I’d be part of it. But I was. Here’s the story.
When working at a grocery store as seafood manager (still very much in my people-pleasing-era) I befriended a skinny and kind-looking shy guy. We played basketball a few times together, and occasionally chatted it up at work. I assumed he was my age, but he turned out to be 15 years older, so as I was 22 at the time, he was 37. I started to notice some odd behavior (it was more of a feeling that something was off), so I slowly started to lower the amount of contact we had (slowly because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, which I understand now really doesn’t matter in the slightest). He showed some obvious irritation at our limited contact, but I acted like I didn’t notice.
Then one day, he comes up to the seafood counter and asks if I unfollowed him on Instagram. I looked at him confused, and said “No?” (which was true, I hadn’t done anything). He then proceeds to SCREAM at me at the top of his lungs that I’m a “lying b*tch” and starts going INSANE. He continues screaming in front of my coworkers, AND the customers in the store. I just keep my mouth shut and back away behind the counter. People tell me I should talk to management, and I decline (management at the time was a group of misogynistic men, that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to because they seemingly would rather fire people than deal with issues, and I needed the money; again I KNOW the problem with this thinking now).
Later on I leave and go out to my car, and guess who’s waiting there for me? Yup. So I ignore him and get in my car. He then attempts to hold the door open and talk to me (now he’s extremely calm, which makes alarm bells ring loud as hell in my head that there is something off). So I push him out with my food, and slam the door on his fingers. I drive away as fast as I can.
I calm down during the drive (at this point I’m angry, for so many reasons, one of them me being tired of being taken advantage of and walked over and not listened to when I tell someone to STOP). When I get home, I get out of my car, and in my (idiotic) trance I didn’t notice that he had followed me home and was already fast-walking up to me. At this point my adrenaline is out of control and my heart is racing. I’m about to have to fight this guy. And I don’t know if I’ll be okay.
After this quick realization, I gain this sense of calm, and everything around me slows. This is where I realized I was the type to fight in a fight or flight situation. To be completely honest, the option of taking flight didn’t even occur to me. That wasn’t what I trained for.
He gets to me FAST, and grabs my wrists attempting to pin me to my car. Without realizing, I do a wrist release I had practiced a thousand times, and use muscle memory from Moving Step (it’s like learning to use someone else’s force against them while on your feet, a well-practiced Tai Chi combative) to turn and move him back, keeping my back to the car. He tries to rush in again, but because of his surprise I have enough time shove the heel of my front foot into his stomach, which pushes him back again. He rushes in AGAIN (at this point I have the feeling he may have been on drugs) and so as I step down I drive my fist into his stomach, and follow up with an uppercut to the bottom of his jaw. That throws him back. I take up a fighting stance (keep in mind this is all happening without me realizing, this is pure muscle memory), and I tell him (it was more of a command at this point, with my teaching voice and everything) to “BACK THE F*CK OFF”. He says, word for word, “you really don’t want to pick a fight with ME” and then heads back to his car, and drives off.
I look around (it was 3ish PM on a Tuesday) and notice all the people around me not paying any attention to me, in pure daylight.
One of the biggest and most important things I’ve kept with me ever since, was that no one is going to help you. And I REFUSE to ever be one of those people in that busy neighborhood, I will NEVER let someone near me have to defend themselves on their own. I will always help.
That was the first real fight I had ever been in. I still remember the absolutely insane look in his eyes, and how much power it actually took to get someone off of you.
When writing this, I felt my pulse quicken, and my throat tighten up out of pure frustration remembering this horrible event. I hope you all can learn something from this, in some way. Please keep in mind that you too may become part of that statistic, and it is extremely important to learn at least the basic skills needed to defend yourself, and the people around you.