Hello! I am going to quickly preface this with the fact that this is going to be full of word vomit, so if that isn’t the vibe of this moment as you’re reading this, feel free to stop here! 

The reason I post and write and create content is so that I can help as many people as I possibly can. Occasionally I will post my own experiences and difficulties (usually followed by solutions), but most of the time I put out content around different processes, movements, concepts, and ways of thinking that help you get to your fitness goals. Today I can honestly say that what I’m putting out right now may or may not help people, I am really unsure of whether it will or not. I personally enjoy learning from other people’s experiences, especially from people who have achieved successes I am working to achieve. So, if I somehow have achieved the success you are looking to achieve, or you enjoy the way I think or write, then this may in fact help you out in some way. 

Without further adieu, let’s get into it! 

The thoughts that have been motivating me recently have been around feeling so confident and independent within yourself that everything you do is truly for you and only you. There is such a strong feeling of freedom that I absolutely THRIVE off of when it comes to the realization that what you’re doing has nothing to do with anyone else. When I go to the gym, I am going because I want to go. I wear what I want to wear. I do the movements and exercises I want to do. I make icky lifting faces as I get through the last few reps, I sit down and relax my stomach and let it hang over my shorts while I rest, and I let the sweat drip down my makeup-less face. I don’t go to the gym because I want my body to look “good” for other people, I go because I genuinely enjoy the feeling of pushing myself during a tough workout, I enjoy the happiness and calmness I get to feel after, I like the way it feels to check exercise off my list for the day, I am OBSESSED with the feeling of getting stronger and learning new skills, and I love the way it makes my body look, for ME. I. Feel. Free. And I love it. And if anyone is actually reading this, then maybe this can make you want to feel free as well. And maybe this can be your wake up call to start working towards freedom. 

Part of the reason this is so deeply valuable to me is because for the longest time I have been doing everything for OTHER people. And as people you love and have crushes on and respect come and go, so did my drive to stay healthy and put effort into myself and my goals. And I didn’t like that. I have 0 control over whether people choose to stay in my life or not, and that meant that I had 0 control over my health. And that just wasn’t gonna work. So, over the last MANY (and I mean MANY) months I have put effort into regaining my independence (in reality, finding; I don’t think I ever was independent). I started trying out things I thought I would enjoy, I started going face first into my fears, and I started saying no more than I was saying yes. I started spending really uncomfortable hours alone, in my thoughts, meeting myself for the first time. And let me tell you, it was more awkward for me to meet myself than it ever was for me to meet other people. 

Meeting myself for the first time was hard. I didn’t like myself. We didn’t get along. She was insecure, lonely, sad, dependent on the opinions of lovers to give her a sense of worth, she believed she deserved to be abused and mistreated, and she just really sucked. She was the opposite of what I wanted to be. I always had this vision of who I wanted to turn into as I grew up. I always envisioned a strong, capable, badass woman who never let anyone walk over her. Someone who stood up for others and had so much strength she had some leftover to share. And even though I gained skills I believed this beautiful woman would have, I was not her on the inside. Not even close. And so, over the last many months, I have been spending my time meeting myself, and upgrading. And I am LOVING it. And I want you to jump up on this cloud with me. 

If you pull anything from this word vomit-heavy post, I hope it’s that you decide to truly meet yourself. And start putting the blood, sweat, tears, and grueling WORK into becoming who you want to be. Run straight towards every single one of your fears. Feel the pain. Let yourself cry. NEVER apologize for being yourself. Let your stomach hang out and show your stretch marks and laugh and scream and love and BE. 

Until next time, 

-Taylor